Stephanie Kulick, 1968–1999

I knew Stephanie Kulick from about 1990, when I met her in the Queer Nation bisexual focus group, to 1999. During that time we were lovers for several years. In March, 1999, she died in a car crash in rural Arizona. Her wake a month later was attended by more than 200 friends, lovers and former co-workers.

Stephanie was a native of Pennsylvania and a graduate of Boston College, where she DJ’d on the college radio station, WZBC. A friend from that era writes:

I first met her when we were both in the cast of One Flew Over the Cukoo’s Nest at Boston College. She played the character of Ruckley, a catatonic on the ward, whose only task was to yell, “Fuck’m all” at random times. She also stood in the form of Christ, nailed to a cross during these scenes. We hung out a bit, and I remember visiting her in her freshman dorm room, and it was full of all sorts of kitsch, like you said her apartment was. I just remember her being very intense, but also extremely gentle — it seems like yesterday.

Stephanie (glasses, with hand on desk) with the WZBC staff, circa 1987.

A fellow DJ at WZBC writes:

Stephanie and I did news together (which no one ever listened to or realized the station had) by just grabbing various shit off of the wire machine. Her delivery, and dead serious, alert tone (done completely comically of course) would literally have me on the floor. Stephanie was someone who could make me laugh till it hurt. She would have me crying. She and I were evenetually banned from being in the dj booth at the same time because we would get so much shit for “immaturity.” During the begathon to raise money for the station, her spots were so fucking funny. The recording she did for the sign-off of the station nightly, which she made for just me to play, was so amazing. The name Andrew Herman became Android Hymen. She was just so funny and such a crack up.

After moving to San Francisco in the late 1980s, she worked for several years at Comic Relief on Haight St. and became friends with many local comic fans and cartoonists; they formed one identifiable group at her wake. Here are pictures of her taken at the 1994 ComicCon convention, and here is a description and cover of her exquisite one-off zine Hey Stranger.

In about 1993 she went to work as an exotic dancer at the Lusty Lady Theater* under the stage names Violet (when she was wearing the brunette wig — not related to the Violet who works at the Lusty now) and Honeysuckle (when she was wearing the blond wig).

Lusty Lady performers, Xmas 1997. Stephanie is front row, far left, resting her gloved hand on an Xmas package.
Photo from the Mother Jones article.

Later in the decade she worked as a lap dancer at other San Francisco clubs, as an exotic dancer in Japan and Hawaii, and finally worked at a massage parlor in Marin County. Her friends and co-workers from the sex industry formed the other, larger, identifiable group at her wake.

Stephanie was a fierce girl with an utterly loving heart. She collected all manner of kitsch (although she strongly objected when I called it that), memorabilia from comics, movies and 70s pop culture. She lived in a fleabag Tenderloin apartment house five stories above the worst block of Geary St. She was a devoted, generous, stunning lover. She had an unshakable sense of justice, and was strongly committed to a vegan diet and supporting PETA. She had the most amazing blue fake-fur jacket.

On March 25, 1999, Stephanie was riding in a convertible on I-10 between Phoenix and Tucson, where she and a friend were heading to watch a Giants spring training game. Near Pacheco Peak their car got into some kind of conflict with another car, and the convertible Stephanie was in went off the road and overturned. Stephanie, who had just taken off her seat belt, was killed.

At her wake, a month later at the Edinburgh Castle tavern near her apartment, her friends, lovers and co-workers spoke of her style, her loving heart, her creativity, and, of course, their grief. Several dozen pictures taken throughout her life were projected. (She loved commemorating events by getting her picture taken.)

I wrote a short memoir of Stephanie and my relationship with her; the piece was published in “Best Sex Writing 2006” by Cleis Press.

When I realized Stephanie had no presence on the web, I decided to write this brief page and post a couple of pictures, as a way of honoring and remembering one of my favorite people in the world.